And then a man enters. A man I have seen many times. He
looks my way, yet he sees me not. Oh, but do I ever see him, the
green of his eyes, the arc of his brows, the strands of gray amidst
a thick, dark wavy head of hair. And the delicate lines that etch
the curves of his mouth. His stride is confident and relaxed.

He passes by and to my surprise he sits right behind me.
I can hardly contain the giddiness within. Feeling the warmth
of his back just inches from mine sends me spinning. The
mere presence of his being causes any appetite for food to
plummet, and my voracious appetite for passion to escalate.

I imagine we are lying on a bed of soft, green moss in the middle
of a forest, filling the atmosphere with particles of joy and rapture.
Him, kissing the nape of my neck, me caressing the tautness of
his back. He whispers in my ear. A warm sensation shoots up my
spine. We kiss with extreme passion locked in each others arms.

Time does not exist . . .

I don’t know how long it had been since I was caught up in
this fantasy when I hear a voice say “hello”. I turn around
to see him smiling at me. I smile back. Face is flushed
with naughty embarassment. Did he know what was going on
inside my mind?

I feel a strong impulse to tell him how often he has invaded my dreams,
my thoughts? Yet knowing all along it is I who creates these images,
not him. Is that pathetic or prophetic — him being so familiar and
yet a complete stranger? This stirring of my emotions is the affect
the Son of Eros has upon my psyche.

Perhaps I shall keep him in the dream realm — there we will
always have a safe haven where passion for love can morph
into endless bliss. In the meantime, we exchange names, and
he invites me to join him rather than eat alone. I wonder if he
is Greek?

‘Hullo,’ said the sleepy voice.

‘Chris, it’s me.’

‘Anna Marie, what’s wrong? What time is it?’ Chris said, sounding alarmed.

‘Sweetheart, who is calling us at this hour?’ said Jean who I could hear in the background.

‘It’s a quarter to five,’ I said. ‘Sorry, Chris, but I have a situation or should I say we have a problem.

‘What kind of problem?’ I could sense the legal-eagle rising in him. Then he must have cupped the phone with his hand to tell Jean who was calling them at this rude hour.

‘Chris . . . Frank is alive –- he called me at four this morning.’

‘Jesus H Christ!’ he said, voicing incredulity as I had anticipated he’d do with the blood probably rushing to his head. Then there was air silence at the other end of the phone.

‘Hello, hello, Chris.’

‘What did the bastard have to say?’ he said in a cold, steely tone.

‘Don’t be that way, Chris. I know you’ve never forgiven him, but he’s still our father.’ I suspected that years of resentment wanted to pour out of Chris but he refrained from doing so. I could hear him take in a deep breath.

‘All right, what did Frank have to say?’

I told Christopher about the brief, yet urgent message, stressing the part about the formula. My brother was never privy to the formula that Frank had shared with me, and had never shown interest in Dad’s fantasy adventures. He was telling me to stay out of Frank’s business altogether because he didn’t want to see me get hurt again.

‘Look, sis, he’s been gone for over two decades. Bloody hell, we all thought he was dead or very well should be. Especially, if he didn’t even have the decency to show up at our mother’s, his wife’s, funeral. Come on, you know how dramatic he can be? I think he’s just trying to con his way back into your life. Stay away from him and from that warehouse — he’s bad news.’

I let out a huge sigh. I could hear Jean in the background agreeing with what Christopher had just said. It was easy enough for her to do so because Frank wasn’t her father. ‘You’re probably right. But aren’t you the least bit interested in what has happened to him for all these years?’

‘Frank gave up whatever rights he had as a father to make me feel concerned. And it would behoove you to let the past remain where it belongs, in the graveyard.’

A chill ran up my spine when Chris said those words. ‘But what if he calls again, and asks if I’ve done what he requested?’

‘Tell him to call me — I’ll set him straight. I will also tell him that we should have sold that barn of a building he’d strapped us with long ago, and that our mother had to keep up the tax payments on it, thinking he would return one day. She was too good for that prat!’

Chris sounded harsh and angry right now and I regretted having called him. ‘Sorry I woke you and Jean, I just thought you’d like to know that Frank is alive.’

‘It’s OK, A-M. Try not to let this upset you — you’ll see that I’m right about him. Tell you what, why don’t you drive over this weekend? We’ll go out on the boat and forget about all of this.’ Chris knew I had taken two weeks off from work because of over-exhaustion and stress. I think it was fair to say that he was a bit concerned about my mental state.

‘Thanks, but I need to concentrate on the shop,’ I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. ‘Maddy has been a saint and I’ve been away too long.’

‘Very well, you know we’d love to see you (pause). Anna Marie, I don’t mean to sound like such a cold fish. I know that hearing from Frank is a shock to you — it’s a shock to me. But we have to remain detached from him. He could cause more damage than good, especially to you. He’ll take advantage of your current situation. You know what I am talking about, now that you’re living alone again.’

I’m sure he could feel the icy vibes coming through the phone. He knew he’d hit a raw nerve with me, as I haven’t divulged too much information about my breakup with David. It was a taboo subject and the fact that I was almost forty, still unmarried and living alone was another sensitive subject whenever it had to do with my brother’s concern for me.

‘Thanks for the advice. I’ll talk to you later,’ I tried not to sound too offended by his tactless comment. ‘Please apologize to Jean for me, for waking you both up at this hour.

We both said our good-byes. I sat at my desk fretting over the conversation I’d just had with my brother. Who could blame him for feeling the way he did about our father? After all, he did leave us high and dry.

(to be continued next week)

copyright by Adele L Nieto
April 2010

Why didn’t the public know about the collapse of the economy before it collapsed?

There must have been signs indicating an economic meltdown way before the end of the Bush administration? Why did financial experts Ben Bernanke and before him, Alan Greenspan who were the bean counter experts, fail to warn us about the future financial woes? Why were we not aware of the fallout on Wall Street before it spilled over on Main Street? How did the banking business become so aloof in handing out credit to those who could barely afford to pay their debt? Back in the 80′s people could only qualify for a house mortgage that was 3x the amount of their annual salary, plus they needed to have at least a 20% downpayment. How and why did these financial institutions become so lax in their lending criteria? Could it be that they all knew they’d be bailed out?

What about Tim Geithner? The fact is that, when he was the chairman of the New York Federal Reserve Bank he had racked up millions when he made an undisclosed purchase of Goldman Sachs stock, “a violation of Federal Reserve policy,” as stated by the Wall Street Journal. This activity occurred at a time when the New York Fed was supposedly overseeing the actions of the Wall Street firm. Why didn’t that antic of Geithner’s raise an eyebrow from the SEC, Congress or the MS Media?

Not only did Goldman Sachs receive a huge cash infusion from the Government, Goldman also received an additional $8.1 billion that the taxpayers will never receive back. Could this be a gift of sorts engineered by then-N.Y. Fed president Geithner of AIG, which listed Goldman as its top insured credit-swap customer?1

According to a Wall Street Journal article, The US Treasury has bailed out AIG several times since last September to the tune of at least $180 billion. No one knows for sure where the money went. Regulators refuse to identify AIG’s counterparties. The bailout giveaway has been going on since last September whereby no one from Congress has bothered to be truly concerned about until recently. Now they’re crying outrage, after the milk has been spilt — a little late don’t you think? WE, the taxpayers, are going to pay for the greedy bankers who are laughing all the way to the bank.

Now to another unanswered question:

Why are we still fighting two unnecessary wars? Besides stretching our armed forces to the limit, there is also the war on drugs that we have been fighting in our own country for donkeys years — a necessary war, and one that we can’t seem to get control of. Yet, while our troops are in Afghanistan, the opium poppy business has skyrocketed.

As an industry, the farming and harvesting of the opium poppy has taken over every other form of agriculture in Afghanistan, making millions for the opium drug lords, keeping innocent families in poverty, and augmenting the strength of the Taliban. This situation will not change by foreign troop occupation, nor will we succeed in wiping out the Taliban or Al Qaeda. These faction groups will simply pop up somewhere else. These guys are not like any military we have ever fought.

So the premise from President Obama is that our forces will train an Afghani police force that will tackle the problem of illegal drug trade and enforce the law against the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Okay, just how many years will that effort take in order to show some slight progress? The Afghanis are not your everyday enlistees. Most of them are illiterate, poor, desperate and do not like being told what to do by outside parties. Good luck. Meanwhile the burden of another triple billion dollar bill gets paid for by the taxpayers. And just where are all the taxpayers going to find the money to do this if they have no income? To add insult to injury, we still have the huge debt of the Iraq war, which by the way has there been any mention of a withdrawal date yet?

Why hasn’t the Obama administration called for a criminal investigation of George Bush, Dick Cheney and the rest of the Bush cabal for invading a country based on lies and causing the deaths of thousands of innocent people? And for creating the worst financial mess since the Great depression?

Ah, and last but not least, The Tiger is loose. Yes, I mean Tiger Woods. OMG, he’s committed adultery, not once, not twice but more times than he would care to admit and with different lasses. Of course, this is putrid fodder for the news media and all those opponents he’s beaten mercilessly on the golf course. I’ve never been more appalled at the media than I am now – and let’s not forget the one important thing here, Tiger Woods is not a world leader for humanity – he is a sportsman, plain and simple. He does not influence world, national or regional policy, and that’s that. Leave the man and his family alone to work it out the way they see fit. Besides, I really don’t know of any male celebrity that can keep staving off the she-bears out there that would sleep with a married man in order to secure some infamous dalliance that they can brag about later on; plus make a few bucks from some rag-tag media outlet. Enough about Tiger Woods and his groupies.

Ask this question: Why is the private life of Tiger Woods more important than the failing economy? Or the environment? Or man’s inhumanity towards man? Or illegal wars? Or a lying bunch of politicians hell-bent on ruining the fabric of society? Or how about milking the taxpayers so the very few rich can maintain their ultimate lifestyle? Or how about the thousands of people who, everyday go hungry, are sick and are fearful of the future?

Aren’t those questions more important to address than the life of Tiger Woods?

I think I may, I think I might,

But all dreams sink like ships in the night.

Swell of ocean’s fearful fray,

The visionary dashed on rocks does lay.

Light of hope more hopeless fading,

Through the froth the tired frame is wading.

The carnage of love not found, the carnage of unfruitful ground,

Is nothing now, just lapping gently,

on a morning shore, Awaking empty.

Eff Strick

The drive can be awfully long
when the windows are rolled up
and the radio can’t drown out the sound.

I shrink to the size of a fly,
listening to them argue about where to
turn and how fast to drive.

The abuse that spews from one’s
mouth to the other can cause even a fly
to shudder.

Doesn’t matter.

And they wonder why I cry and tell
them how much i can’t stand going
on that journey again.

Doesn’t matter.

They pack up the car. I’m in the back seat.
We set off on that journey back in
time, to that place where another journey
began in much the same way.

Doesn’t matter.

The long journey is always the same.
and the destination keeps slipping
away from memory. Even a fly has a very
small brain.

Through These Eyes

During this past Christmas season I had the good fortune of attending a meditation and music concert performed by Lucinda Drayton the lead singer of Blissful Music. The intimate setting was the inside of a converted chapel of a college campus, which comfortably sat 30 to 50 comfortable souls. Infused in this soft atmosphere was the angelic voice of Lucinda Drayton. Needless to say we were all captivated by her vocal prowess as she played a guitar singing some of her most popular songs. This appearance was not the usual performance that I was accustomed to of Lucinda’s but it was deeply touching and personal.

I’ve been a big fan of Blissful Music ever since I first saw them perform the title song “A Hundred Thousand Angels” from the album at a Vitality show in London nearly nine years ago. Little did I know then, that we would go on to buy every CD that Blissful Music has produced.

Blissful Music are Lucinda Drayton and Andrew Blissett, one of the most exciting and creative musical partnerships in the UK today. Both have been what you would call “practicing Yogis” and it is this way of life that gives their work authenticity and power. Blissful Music has been used by many to see them through stressful times; to help them in dealing with illnesses and to uplift them during times of grief or loss.”

I can’t write enough accolades about Blissful Music – all I can say is this: We have an extensive library of CDs & Mp3s from Classical to Rock n Roll, from Sacred Music to Jazz, and it is impossible to play all of this music in any given time. But Blissful Music has always been played in our home almost on a daily basis.

For information about Lucinda Drayton/Blissful Music and meditation events please visit her website at: www.blissfulmusic.co.uk Whilst you are at the website, make sure to purchase some of their unforgettable music. You will love it!

This past Thursday, a middle-age woman from Scotland, Ms. Susan Boyle, auditioned for the hit reality show Britain’s Got Talent, and blew the socks off the judges and everyone in the audience as well as all the viewers watching her performance. That same night, her performance was posted all over the web via You Tube et al. For the past few days, the world can’t get enough of Susan Boyle. The number of views of her audition on You Tube alone reaches into the millions and is steadily growing.

Why is this considered rude behavior? Well, I will tell you. From the moment she was interviewed by Ant and Dec to her walking on stage to audition for the show, she was set up as some kind of joke. But as she stood facing the judges she appeared to be completely unfazed by all the stares and snickers, and smirks from the bemused Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan as well as from some very rude spectators. The third judge, Amanda Holden, refrained from appearing rude and critical, as anyone should do. While Susan answered Simon’s questions she held her head high and projected a strength of character that few of us possess. Despite all the eyeball-rolling from Simon and Piers and from some of the bitchey looking females in the audience when she said that she wanted to be like Elaine Paige, she still remained in charge of the situtation. Ms. Boyle might have seemed like she didn’t have a clue as to what was going on, but nevertheless she maintained her integrity without having a bad attitude or cowering in embarassment. When she spoke, she spoke with certainty. And when she was given the cue to sing, she did so with an amazing grace. She sang as if her life depended on it. If she had a Sterling for every dumb-struck expression on the faces of the judges and the audience, she would have made a bucket of money that night.

As Susan’s performance unfolded she went on to woo and win over the judges and the spectators as well as the millions of viewers who watched her sing, I Dreamed A Dream from the hit musical, Les Miserables. I might add, she is still winning over hearts from all those who watch the many videos of her performance posted on the web.

Why are we so stunned or surprised when someone who looks like Susan Boyle and who is talented like she is, can actually deliver the goods? Why are we so utterly amazed or a better word “shocked” that someone like Susan has the audacity to prove us all wrong for being so judgemental?

Granted, Susan isn’t elegant like a swan. Nor is she physically endowed like a Playboy Centerfold. She certainly isn’t tall like an Amazonian, catwalk model. And, she isn’t a clone of some doe-eyed looking Revlon or Estee Lauder face. But neither am I, and most likely neither are you. She lives alone with her devoted cat called Pebbles and had recently lived with her mother until mum passed away. So what if she’s never been kissed before? Maybe she’ll finally pucker up for the right person. Who cares? The most important thing to remember is how comfortable she comes across to viewers. She fits very well in her own skin AND that is truly what beauty is all about. Being able to sing like an angel is part of the joy of just being yourself. So let’s stop being rude and pre-judgemental of someone who doesn’t fit the perceived norm of what society has labeled as “beautiful”, which in truth, is only skin deep.

I can only hope that Susan goes on to live out her dream of performing as a singer. I will be one of her fans for sure!

where hidden memories lay.
Each seam, each trench
covered by another woe
from another event.

With endless determination I would
chisel and smooth away
the hardened edges that suffering
and pain have built upon.

Yet, not so amazing is the
strength and will one has
to keep building on the past.
But why? might I ask.

Isn’t it better to have had the
experience and move on,
using the mind as a summit
instead of a dungeon?

copyright 2006 by Adele L Nieto

we lay together,
flesh and limbs entwined
his eyes see nothing
as if he were blind

when the deed of our lust is over
and the embers in my heart still burn
his emotions are disturbingly sober,
as he moves to one side and turns,

his facial expression says one thing
yet his words reveal quite another,
‘I hate leaving you again,’
says my pale lover.

Copyright December 7, 2005
Adele L Nieto